In confidence, a request

To Roderick Duskford-Robbins Esq.

RDR, it has been requested by the ladies of the Temperance Committee that I inform you that they shall no longer countenance your increasingly disruptive mien.

I must agree with them that a number of your recent outbursts have outstretched the Club’s generally libertarian, free thinking limits.

It is not acceptable for you to throw an entire crab across the room as you did at the Yule feast, regardless of whether or not the buerre blanc is to your taste. Moreover, your appearance at the Finch-Newtley Lupercalia festivity with the – albeit charming – dancing troupe exhausted the definition of +1 (although from one man to another, having ‘+1’ embroidered across their… assets… was inspired).

I can tell you that the ladies confessed that they were still hesitant to approach you at that point, however the ferret incident during last month’s Ostara wildflower gathering expedition have pushed them beyond the limits of their usually tolerant nature. The sight of our Persephones and Demeters fleeing before a charging horde of ferrets is not something any of us will quickly forget.

Do not take their threats lightly old man! After your most recent high jinx, most of the committee members are threatening the cut direct. I quote Lady Augusta Motts Finchley: ‘If he thinks we will continue to accept this behaviour, he is off his onion!’

And as you know, old man, the preservation of harmony is a paramount concern for the Club. Only in an atmosphere of accepting geniality will our intellects thrive! It is thus in friendship that I strongly encourage you to comport yourself with the same measure of manners as your ever exemplary companion, Gilpmed.

I daresay that you should consider this your first warning.

Yours,

Temple

From the desk of Nigel Rutherford, Viscount Templemore

Head of the Festivities Committee
Order of the Splendid Chalice (London Chapter)